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As a student, how do you deal with stress, grief and relationships? Stress of high performance, getting the grades together with living up to parental expectations, grief from breakups and not knowing how to navigate one’s needs and your partner’s needs in relationships?

In today’s episode, we discuss with Patrick Obel, a counselling psychologist at the United States International University – Africa, about his journey to becoming a counselling psychologist. The episode delves into the intricate challenges faced by young people today, particularly in academic settings and personal relationships. Patrick Obel, with his unique background in applied chemistry, theology, and psychology, offers valuable insights into the human experience, emphasizing the importance of emotional and social intelligence, effective communication, and the integration of spirituality with psychological practices.

Some Key Ideas We Discuss

• Understanding the Challenges of Young People
• The Pressure of Academic Performance
• The Role of Expectations in Relationships
• Dysfunctional Family Dynamics
• The Importance of Self-Reflection
• Moving Forward with Insight

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There’s no one who get’s into trouble immediately that runs for help

Patrick Obel – Psychologist

Show Notes

Understanding the Challenges of Young People

The Transient Nature of Modern Relationships

Patrick begins by highlighting the unique social issues that young people encounter, particularly in their relationships. He notes that the transient nature of modern relationships often leaves individuals feeling rejected and questioning their self-worth. For instance, when a couple breaks up, one partner may feel as though they have been rejected, leading to feelings of inadequacy. Patrick emphasizes that these feelings are often not a reflection of personal failure but rather a natural part of life’s transitions. He explains that relationships can serve a purpose for a season, and when that season ends, it does not necessarily indicate that something was wrong with the individual.

Actionable Advice:
Reframe Breakups:** Understand that the end of a relationship does not define your worth. Each relationship serves a purpose and offers lessons for personal growth.
Develop Emotional Resilience:** Cultivate coping strategies to handle the emotional fallout of breakups. This can include seeking support from friends, engaging in self-care activities, and practicing mindfulness.

The Pressure of Academic Performance

Unrealistic Expectations and Their Impact

The conversation shifts to the academic pressures faced by students. Patrick recounts a poignant case of a student who was on the verge of graduation with a GPA of 3.5 but was deeply distressed because she had aimed for a 3.7. This scenario illustrates the unrealistic expectations that many students place on themselves, often influenced by societal standards or parental pressures. Patrick reflects on how these expectations can lead to significant disappointment when they are not met, especially when students are unaware of their own capabilities.

Actionable Advice:
Set Realistic Goals:** Understand your own limits and set achievable goals based on your abilities. Striving for excellence is commendable, but it should not come at the cost of your mental health.
Communicate with Parents:** If you feel overwhelmed by parental expectations, have an open and honest conversation with your parents about your capabilities and aspirations. This can help in setting more realistic and supportive expectations.

The Role of Expectations in Relationships

Coping with Rejection and Emotional Fallout

As the discussion progresses, Andrew and Patrick explore the theme of expectations in relationships. Patrick notes that many young people struggle with handling rejection, which can stem from unrealistic expectations about how relationships should unfold. He observes that when a relationship ends, individuals often do not know how to cope with the emotional fallout. This lack of coping skills can lead to severe consequences, including hostility or even tragic outcomes, such as self-harm.

Actionable Advice:
Manage Expectations:** Understand that not all relationships are meant to last forever. Each relationship offers valuable lessons and opportunities for growth.
Develop Coping Strategies:** Learn healthy ways to cope with rejection and emotional pain. This can include talking to a therapist, journaling, or engaging in physical activities to release stress.

Dysfunctional Family Dynamics

The Weight of Parental Expectations

The conversation also touches on the impact of dysfunctional family dynamics on young people’s emotional health. Patrick explains that many young individuals carry the weight of their family’s expectations, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and depression when they fail to meet those standards. He highlights the importance of parents understanding their children’s unique abilities and setting expectations accordingly, rather than applying a one-size-fits-all approach.

Actionable Advice:
Foster Open Communication:** Parents should engage in open dialogues with their children about their capabilities and aspirations. This can help in setting realistic and supportive expectations.
Support Individuality:** Recognize and celebrate your child’s unique strengths and interests. Avoid comparing them to others or imposing unrealistic standards.

The Importance of Self-Reflection

Developing an Internal Locus of Control

A significant theme in the episode is the importance of self-reflection and accountability. Patrick discusses the concept of locus of control, emphasizing that individuals often blame external factors for their circumstances rather than examining their own contributions to a situation. He encourages young people to take responsibility for their actions and to reflect on what they can learn from their experiences.

Actionable Advice:
Practice Self-Reflection:** Regularly take time to reflect on your actions and decisions. Consider what you can learn from your experiences and how you can improve.
Cultivate an Internal Locus of Control:** Focus on what you can control and take responsibility for your actions. This mindset can lead to personal growth and improved emotional health.

Conclusion: Moving Forward with Insight

As the episode draws to a close, Andrew and Patrick reiterate the importance of understanding the emotional and social challenges faced by young people today. They emphasize the need for open communication, realistic expectations, and self-reflection as essential tools for navigating life’s complexities. Patrick’s insights into the interplay between psychology and spirituality highlight the importance of holistic approaches to mental health, encouraging individuals to seek support and understanding in their journeys.

Key Takeaways:
Understand the Transient Nature of Relationships:** Recognize that relationships serve a purpose and offer lessons for personal growth.
Set Realistic Academic Goals:** Strive for excellence, but be mindful of your mental health and capabilities.
Manage Relationship Expectations:** Develop coping strategies to handle rejection and emotional pain.
Foster Open Family Communication:** Engage in honest dialogues with parents about capabilities and aspirations.
Practice Self-Reflection:** Take responsibility for your actions and focus on personal growth.

Listeners are left with a call to action: to reflect on their own experiences, to engage in meaningful conversations with those around them, and to apply the lessons learned from this discussion to foster healthier relationships and emotional well-being. The episode serves as a reminder that while challenges are a part of life, they also offer opportunities for growth and understanding.

My Takeaways

We cover some of the questions we can use in relationship issues are:

How did I contribute to this? What could I have done differently? If there was blame to be assigned, how much was because of me?

Some of the attitudes people come into counseling with are:

1. I have tried something out, but it is not working, and I want it to work.
2. I have made my decision, I just want someone else’s permission to do what I have already chosen. (both positive and negative)
3. I want another opinion.

If you want us to answer your questions on one of our upcoming weekly episodes, drop us a line at revengeoftheforsakengods@gmail.com

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